Whenever I hear one of my clients say the word “should”, I immediately ask him/her about their beliefs.
When you use the word “should”, it says a lot about what you believe and do not believe.
It’s another way of saying, “I would do this, but I don’t really believe I can.” In essence, “I CAN’T.”
Should is the precursor of an “excuse.” In fact, it’s usually followed by, “…but,______(fill in the excuse)______.
Or it means, “I really don’t desire to do this, but I’m saying so only to sound like I do.”
The truth is, it’s deceptive, both for the deceiver and the deceived.
Most of all, it’s a sign that your beliefs and desires are not matching up. They’re not on the same page.
Therefore, you’re not telling a believable story. Because if you were, you’d believe what you’re saying, and be on the same page as yourself!
Until your beliefs and desires line up, you will only go as far as your beliefs take you.
“Should” is not only rooted in disbelief and/or deception, but it’s also one of the most disempowering proclamations and positions.
It’s a position of being a “victim.”
For example: If you should, then why aren’t you? Who’s to blame? How are YOU the victim?
Your “reasons” become your perpetrators. When you take this position, you give away your power. The power to choose your success and victory.
The other position that a “should” mindset perpetuates is allowing life to dictate your reactions and results, or lack thereof.
For example, “I should because I can.”
If your head’s in charge, it’ll quickly give you all the reasons why “it makes sense” to do this or that. However, without the desires of your heart leading you, your head may take you to a destination you never intended to go.
A life lived without intention that’s acted upon, and fully executed, is a life lived with massive amounts of internal tension and burden.
Should is the judge and the jury that convicts you to a life sentence and takes your freedom. Or perhaps it’s acting as the bully that states a compelling (and compromising) argument of why you cannot and will not do something. However, in so doing (or not), SHOULD is going to be coupled with a whole lot of guilt, shame, and/or blame.
These are the poisonous fruits of the head game of disbelief and excuses.
They can seem harmless or, at times, even delicious. Only until you take a bite!
Should and its fruits bite back, and the results can be deadly.
I’ve witnessed many dreams, desires, decisions, destinations…and even diets…die in the presence of the disconnection (divorce) between one’s head and heart. It’s the cause of many broken relationships, including divorce.
We were never meant to live our lives out of only our head or our heart.
On the contrary, we’re destined to be united in head + heart and live happily ever after until death do us part, as a whole, complete, and merry individual. This “marriage” of head + heart is essential for a fruitful, abundant life of love.
I’m convinced that without this connection, marriages, relationships, families, and people will not succeed.
Remember, success is a mutually beneficial relationship not only with our life’s work, but our lives. A life that works well.
It starts with the engagement of your head and heart. Full engagement. Commitment.
- Pay attention every time you say, “should.”
Ask yourself what you’re really trying to say. What do you mean? What do you believe? How could you say it in an honest, believable way?
2. Become “Unreasonable.”
Often our “reasons” are the biggest symptoms of a divorced head and heart. If you feel the need to rationalize, justify, and/or give reason(s) for every action or non-action, perhaps you’re full of “SHOULD.” Please do yourself a favor and become “unreasonable.”
3. Introduce your head to your heart.
Allow your should to connect with your will. Become fully engaged with I AM…IN LOVE…and watch your life began to love you back!
To learn more about how fully engaged you truly are, please check out my Engagement Evaluation Checklist and discover your Engagement Rating (eRATING) here.
I would love to hear from you! What’s you’re eRATING?
Please leave your comments below. And if you feel someone you love could benefit from a “should-less” life, please care enough to share and pass this message on.
Love Your Life Well,
xo Dr. Shannon (doctorshannon.com)